Fears

Until now, a lot of my life has been lived in and ruled by a lot of subconscious fears.

In the past I probably would never have admitted to an inferiority complex, but recently I've come to grips with the fact that... yes, most of the time my actions are ruled by plain old fear. I'm constantly wondering what others are thinking of my actions, and I will try my best to do what I think people think I should be doing, rather than going by what I feel is best, or even what is plain old right... And if I do somehow decide to go by my feelings, I'll end up feeling guilty about it later on... Like I failed somehow, especially when others seem disappointed in or critical of my decisions.

This has really been a stabbing thorn in my flesh because I end up becoming frustrated, feeling like people are controlling my life, when really... It's just me, and my little buddy called "fear."

I've always been a sort of submissive person. This may be why people say I seem to never really have went through an "adolescent rebellion" stage in my life. I've been used to getting a "No" when mom and dad don't agree with my going to a certain place or doing a certain thing. Of course it is a very good thing to heed the wise counsel of your parents and I have definitely avoided some nasty situations gone wrong because of my often "submissive" ways. But this way of thinking has possibly bled into a lot of areas of my life to the point that I feel I need everyone else's permission, blessing, or even forgiveness for everything I do.

All that to say, I'm feeling the need more and more to let go of my fears. It doesn't keep me safe to shelter myself from things I am afraid of at all... A worse enemy exists!!

The thing I'd like best to do is to put my finger on each and every "fear of something different enemy" as I notice it popping its ugly head up and just say to it "Uhhhhh.... no. This is something I'm scared of. I refuse to be scared of it. FUN! It's a challenge. I'm gonna go for it".

Next, if I find myself holding back from even considering doing something just because of someone else's strong opinion, I'm going to put my finger on that fear enemy too and say "Wait a minute. I will now sincerely consider what you are saying and see if this shoe fits, but I will also consider my thoughts or the way I feel is best, and who knows... You may be the wrong one".

Well gosh, this may seem elementary to the rest of the world... but then again... That's right! Even if it sounds stupid, I just remembered that I'm NOT fearful of your opinion of me in the LEAST, so I'll just go ahead and bloggy blog about it anyways. Take that!

I am starting to notice how free and fantastic I am feeling after a week of consciously deciding to say no to my fears. I'd love to keep this up forevaaaaaaaaah