Ben

May 18, 2009, Our dog Ben passed away... Or should I say passed ON.

It really took a long time for it to sink in. We knew his time was coming. A little after his 13th Birthday we found out he had Cancer and from then on his condition went downhill so quickly.

I've never experienced someone close or even a pet passing on... The whole thing was almost unreal. It was hard to predict how I would feel when it was all over. 

Now that it is over, I am glad to say my heart is at peace. Still, I just keep having to remind myself over and over again that he isn't here anymore... His spirit lives on and he's more alive than ever! Just not here anymore.

We were talking and laughing about what he's probably doing in heaven right now. We made lots of jokes about the smelly things he could be up to, but mostly I imagine him running and playing and making people happy wherever he goes. 

People can laugh at me, and I understand it's difficult to relate to someone getting so emotional about "A DOG". Well, I don't mind. I think it's pretty funny too! But I guess the Lord knows the hearts of each of His children and gives them just what He knows will speak to them the clearest and mean the most to them.

Ever since I can remember, every year when I blowing out the candles on my Birthday cake, I had prayed for a Golden Retriever. Not Barbies, not boys, not nail polish... and not just any old dog, but a Golden Retriver! And guess what? That's just what He gave me. And not just any old Golden... It was Ben. I think I dreamed him into life. 

And that's just the thing. Others will see a thousand things imperfect about Ben, but I will see exactly what God gave me, and that is an angel. Even his faults made him adorable and lovable to us. 

He was so beauftiful up until the very last breath. If I was going through something, but couldn't yet bring myself to talk with someone about it, I would talk to the Lord about it, whilst sitting next to Ben. He became Jesus' ears, shoulder, and mouth to me. His ears, listening to my inner-most thoughts and heartcries, His (furry) shoulder for me to cry on, and His mouth, unfailingly kissing my (salty) tears away.  

Ben, you made me smile and laugh when no one else could. With no words you taught me things which will be a part of me forever. Thank you for the joy you brought to us. Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall... We walked, ran, and played together. I love you!! I'll see you when I get there, and there we'll walk, run, and play together again. (We may even fly together ! A flying sanpo!) 

Dear Jesus, most of all thank You for the dream you made come true for me. And thank you for taking Ben back into Your arms ... Those same arms with which You so lovingly gave him to us all those years ago.